Tony & Eswyl

I have not seen my sisters Rosie and Pearl since 1949 when we lived in Poxtown, Clapperingham near Wogan. I would not like to trace them.

Yours, Juan Kerr.

Thank you for your letter - Editor

I am absolutely astounded, in fact more than that, I am shocked, stunned and bewildered by the sheer ineptitude of it all. Yours

Angrily, Major Barking Madd. Ret

Sorry, but I disagree with your opinion. I think that such societies are run with such skill and care that it is impossible to fault them. What do our other readers think ? - Editor

Whilst on holiday in Bracara, Morar, I noticed an amusing sign with words to the effect of ''No B+B'', unfortunately I didn't have my camera with me.

Churnal Reader

Ho ho ho, ha ha ha, I wish you had a picture you could have sent us, chortle chortle - Editor

I think that Poppy day is a big con in Wick. Last year in Whitley Bay I put 27p in the collection box and received a double poppy with two leaves. This year in Wick, I put exactly the same sum of money in the collection and merely received a small poppy with no leaves. Surely poppy manufacturers are making a small fortune out of the Wick public.

yours P.S. Goodbye

This is only a sample of many letters we have received on this subject. I think most of you seem to be missing the point of Remembrance Day, why not do as I do, and save your poppy until next year. I have not bought a poppy since 1964 and it only cost me sixpence. - Editor

I am very concerned for ie lichen 'at Ade planted on ie roof o' Choans garage. I was wondering could you keep an eye on it and mebbe write up its progress in your paper, and also tell me how to get tae sleep.

Yours, a very worried Naomi.

Well Naomi, I can tell you that the lichen is dead, so there's no point in worrying about it, now perhaps you can get some sleep. - Editor

Dear Churnal,

I have thought of some amusing names for future issues, Frank Flaccid, Doctor Scrotum, Greg Grig-Grog, Nick Fell. Hope you can put them to some use.

Yours Brett Double-Barrell.

Ie Churnal does not use fictitious names I'm afraid, but I'm sure our readers will get a good laugh at your list. - Editor

Dear Churnal,

I earn bluddy loads, nearly twenty thousand to be exact, and I've been on bluddy channel four and discovered bluddy beetles and Tardi-bluddy-grades.

Yours, Mel Spirit. bluddy BSc

You are a shining example to us all Mel, I'm sorry I had to edit out most of the swearwords from you letter which has shortened it considerably. - Editor

I think that Aunty Hilda's Wicked Game corner is ace, easily the best article in ie Churnal. If only it was longer it would be double mega wicked.

Yours, Hilda

If the feedback is positive over this trial article, we may make it a regular feature. - Editor

Dear Churnal,

I think Naomi is ace and has a really smart name, she doesn't resemble an inanimate object at all, contrary to what everyone else thinks.

Yours Naomi,

Yes, now run along. - Editor

Dear Churnal,

Maybe you would be interested in my list of top five nurses.
1. Florence Nightingale, 2. Heather Fell, 3. Pam Willis, 4. Linden Harrison, 5. Sister Matic