Tony & Eswyl

Ie Ulpster Churnal ONLINE

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Fell Family DNA Results (Shock!)

Recent DNA testing of the Fell family confirmed a long suspected anomaly, sending shock waves through the family.

The eldest sibling, who did not wish to be named, was quoted as saying “We’ve thought she was different for years. It was obvious from an early age when she started wearing skirts and dresses, even before she started school. None of the rest of us has ever worn a skirt, even when attending Scottish weddings. Also, her body shape was quite different to the rest of us and she seemed interested in feminine things like Sindy dolls, drinking halves of shandy and watching Chelsea football club”.

After the initial shock, Lindsay said “I never wanted to be associated with that bunch of tw@s anyway”.

Nicholas asked to be put on the record as saying “Mehhhhh”; while Raymond, going by his covername Tony, gave the simple statement that he could neither confirm nor deny anything.